Dreams

I dream about my dad a lot. Sometimes I feel like there is a deep meaning to them (I'll explain specific dreams in later posts) and sometimes they just seem like any other dream, except he's there. In the last few dreams he's been sick but getting better. Able to move around without issue and talk about whatever. Everytime this happens there's a brief moment when I wake up that I feel like he's still alive, then reality sets in once again. I feel real sad after this happens, another reminder of what I had that is now lost. At first I wished that I didn't have these dreams, since waking up sad is not ideal. However, the more I thought about it, the more I enjoy these dreams. We get to spend time together, even if it's not really happening. And even if it only happens for a second, when I wake up I'm reminded what it's like to have him in my life. Although I miss him every single day, it's good to know that he lives on in memories and dreams. Going forward I will cherish these dreams and the memories they provoke.

Does a commercial for a crappy beer make me miss Dad the most?

Although I didn't know how I would deal with it, I knew from the beginning that there would be certain things that would make me miss Dad after he was gone. Things that we shared, or at least called each other about, whether it was sports, music, or whatever was on the History Channel. What I did not realize was the affect that small seemingly trivial things would have on me. Best example, a Heineken Light commercial.
In the commercial there are these younger guys, about my age, talking about how they are relearning to play golf from retired men and to slow things down. One of the younger guys then tees off and the old man reads the distance of his drive as around 150 yards, to which the younger guy just smiles and nods at the camera and says "oh yeah."
We used to joke about that when we played together. Dad's friend Buster would never hit it far but would always hit it right down the middle. It was old man golf and it worked. Of course neither of us used this method.
The first time I saw the commercial was after dad died so I'm sure he never saw it. The first time I saw it I wanted to call him and tell him about it. I still have the same feeling every time it comes on. And these are the things that get me. When I sit down to watch a Pats game or am on my way to a concert, I anticipate wanting to call him, and I can adjust. It's the random beer commercial that we would both love that catches me off guard. I guess there is no way to prepare for what will make me miss him.