Reassurance

It's been awhile since I've blogged. I think that's because I've been confused and trying to avoid my feelings, which I know can't be done. The last few months have been one milestone after the other. The first Christmas, the first NFL playoffs, the first competitive basketball games. And it's not going to get easier when the weather gets nicer either. The first NBA playoffs, the first round of golf, the first Easter, and my first steps towards grad school. All are moments that I shared with him constantly, and have to do without him this year.
Although I have been feeling better at times today. Last night I met with a really nice woman named Maude, who is part of the Bereavement Group at Montgomery County Hospice. We talked about dad for a little bit. It felt really good to describe him to someone who never met him. It was more than relief to talk about him, I actually felt pride. It was like I was showing off what a great man he was. Just talking (almost bragging) about him put a smile on my face (although with tears in my eyes) and made me focus on the great relationship we had.  Then she started talking about grief and gave me some literature describing it. I knew what I was feeling wasn't entirely strange, but it was good to hear that a lot of my emotions were completely normal for my situation. I shouldn't be worried about my lack of focus at work, my random mood swings, or my loss of interest in certain things. It's reassuring to know that these emotions are normal and will pass, although I'm not sure when. Right now, I just have to continue the process and attack the firsts one at a time.